My Accident and Heartbreaking Loss

Crystal S. Kauffman

My Broken Leg

Today, it has been an entire month, since I broke my leg in a serious fall on Feb 28, 2021. My original disability involves difficulty walking, which ended up being the actual reason that I broke my right leg. Suddenly, I lost my ability to drive and my job which was delivering orders and food with Postmates and driving passengers with Lyft. I knew instantly, I was not going to just get over this injury fast, because my right shin was literally split in two on the inside. 

Unfortunately, my ankle rolled while taking a step off a driveway. I fell right next to my car and my shoe was under car which caused my shin bones to snap. Immediately, I knew I was going to the hospital by the way my right leg was weird looking. This happened in front of a house and luckily there was pillows in the trash. My friend who was with me placed the pillow under me. I called an ambulance and waited for them to arrive. The leg pain was not instant, however the excruciating pain began a few minutes before the paramedics arrived. 

The Heartbreaking Call

My Precious Momma

As I was loaded into an ambulance, I received a devastating call about my sweet mother, who had slipped into a coma and she was on a ventilator. I just lost my twin brother on Feb 2nd and now I am facing the reality of losing my mother too. My momma was running a really high fever that was at 108 which the doctor stated that she will not be the same. He urged us to decide what further treatment once her heart stopped and my heart dropped as I was in a separate ER being treated for my broken leg. 

My little brother and I made the decision that if her heart stops to let her go. This decision tore me apart but I knew I didn’t want her to suffer or be unable to be herself. I knew it would be selfish to hang on to her. So, March 1st my momma’s heart stopped at 2:15 am. I couldn’t got to her so my mom’s adopted daughter stayed with her and kept me notified by phone. I argued with my ER doctor that I will not get off the phone because mom was dying and my leg didn’t matter as much as her. Well, I guess I am eating those words because I was supposed to have surgery on the March 18, 2021, yet I was postponed and made deal with excruciating pain.

Falling Through The Crack

Amen!

This week, the older splint became unstable, which made me fall in my bathroom after losing my balance. I called in to my orthopedic doctor to get a doctor to help me. The doctor asked me to go to the ER for evaluation and treatment. At the ER, two orthopedic residents broke my leg again to set my leg correctly. They put a new hard splint on my leg, which  was a lot more stable and the doctor said my hasn’t healed at all. They apologized for the doctor allowing my broken leg to fall through the cracks of the healthcare system. The ER doctor knew they had tortured me to set my leg yet he would not write a prescription for pain. Therefore, I filed a grievance against this doctor since he was acting like I was just an addict seeking pain meds. I became angry and called the orthopedic clinic and left a message for the doctor and I am now set for surgery this Tuesday, which is April 6th, 2021. 

Prayers Needed

Please pray for me and my recovery, as I still face my grief of losing my dear sweet momma. Thank you for stopping by and reading my blog, please share. Also, please consider following my blog. I will be writing more blog posts, as I recover from surgery and grieve for my mom and my twin brother who passed within a month of each other. Now, my left knee is in so much pain because it has to bear all my weight right now and unfortunately I am not skinny. Hopefully, my leg will heal soon enough and my heart will always carry my lost loved ones. I know losing my twin brother and my momma was more painful than my leg could ever be, but I must say I am angry with the doctors who dropped me through the cracks and have not even once addressed my pain.

Written by Crystal S. Kauffman

Copyrighted 2021

Today is Year 18!!!

breast cancer, Cancer, Cancer Patients, Crystal S Kauffman, Laugh At Cancer Support Community

Me and Tidbit 2020

Today, makes 18 years since I survived cancer and I celebrate each year because I know personally that if the experimental treatment failed. Honestly, I would not be here to type this blog tonight and I would not be living with a ton of survivor’s guilt. Almost my entire family was killed by some form of cancer and its effects, which was hard to bear for many years. I know God spared me for a reason and I signed up for counseling three years ago. This saved my life and gave me new purpose, so I began putting money away to move into a better living environment and I was able to get a car.

My entire life has changed and I am so proud of every accomplishment and even my downfalls with depression. I went back to high school and completed four years of college, while I dealt with cancer’s touch in my life and facing the devastating losses of my maternal grandparents, my beloved uncle, my twin brother this Feb. 2nd , 2021. Then, March 1st, 2021, my mother became antibiotic resistant and passed away suddenly after fighting a UTI. Personally, I am shaken by all this but, I wont give up fighting to live every day.

Meet my Mommy

Building My Dream

I have been rebuilding my pet sitting business which is like a doggie daycare, as well as rebuilding and updating my networks and the support community. My writing has helped me the most during the last 18 years, whether I wrote due to happiness or pain. Since, the very night mama died, I been dealing with a broken leg with several fractures and it needs surgery. My story mentoring program has several openings, so let’s write that book you always wanted. Therefore, I am working on my sites and invite you to hire me for anything your business communication needs. Thanks to the doctors and nurses, who helped save my life in Dec. 2002-2003 to Mar. 2003, may I make you proud!

Tidbit

Have a Beautiful Night!

Staying Sober Through The Holidays

Crystal S. Kauffman

Honestly, holidays are hard for someone who is newly sober as families and friends throw parties or gatherings.Here are some tips to help you stay sober and still celebrate the holidays. Sometimes, you will actually receive invitations to family or friends gathering which may have alcohol or even sometimes drugs. 

Stay Home Instead

Stay at home instead of allowing yourself to endure being tempted to fall intoaddiction’s brutal snare. Responsible choices to avoid all snares by any family member or friend. Only you can control your own addiction and temptations you may face.

Control Your Environment 

Ask loved ones not to invite you to gatherings that may cause you to release. Spend time with someone at your home where you control the environment around you.

Demand Respect

However, be ready to make someone leave immediately, if they choose to tempt you. Make all visitors aware of your choice and don’t allow dissect in any form.  Only visit with those who respect your choice to stay sober. 

Ask for Help

The Holiday season is hard enough, without someone tempting you for any reason. Stay away from people and places that may cause you to relapse. If you are struggling, find a counselor or mental health professional and discuss your recovery with them

Rising Above The Pain

Crystal S. Kauffman

Image found on Facebook, 2020

Written By, Crystal S. Kauffman-Amon

Everyday, you will face different types of issues, which will make you question your personal strength and your self-esteem. You will face people’s judgment, even though you are not doing anything that you have been accused of committing. Even close friends will tear you apart with their mean judgmental words they say, but then utter the words…I love you! No matter what pain you face, remember that nothing is worth giving into the addiction that you are fighting and  recovering from. Honestly, these selfish family members and friends don’t care about how their words affect you as they speak them to you. 

Dealing With The Selfishness

Unfortunately, your family and friends can cause an emotional pain that feels like it is crushing your heart, while ripping your mind apart. Mostly you are left wondering what you did to cause this person to say these painful words to you, but let’s be honest because this isn’t the first time. Don’t let the evil in other people’s hearts drive you to an emotional prison, because only you suffer when you withdraw from life and give in to your addictive behavior. Additionally, they don’t care that their own prolonged absence in your life is emotionally painful to you, because they never cared about you in the first place.

Cutting Out The Crushing Pain

No matter how good you are to a friend, the same kindness will never be given to you by that same friend. Instead, they will be selfish and  take everything they can from you, while giving you nothing but empty promises and lies. These selfish friends will put you down constantly for being in pain or disabled, as well as tell you that you are a bad person to them. Never allow someone to make you feel like crap for needing assistance, because these types of snares will cause you to relapse. These same friends put you down if you ask for help in any way, so you have to grow a thick skin and cut them out of your life completely. 

Become Your Own Help 

Start managing your life, by simplifying every aspect of your life and start cutting out those selfish  people that cause you pain. Ask your insurance for a case manager that can help you with your medical needs, as well as ask about getting transportation through your insurance to doctor appts and pharmacies. Make sure you cut out all junk, then you will be able to clean and cook by yourself and care for your pet. Additionally, always save money each week or month for an emergency fund, just in case you may need it to catch a cab to the grocery store or you do have an emergency. 

Setting Goals Changes Things

Always put your faith in God or your higher power, while you line up your ducks in a row each day. Always focus on setting goals, while looking for ways to meet your daily needs like buying groceries or household items through a delivery service. Never give up and never allow anyone to destroy your peace, because you are a warrior who is fighting every day to slay your addiction.  Stay strong and chase recovery, but let go of the hate that is controlling your life that is disguised as a close friend. God or your higher power knows what you need and he will send you the proper help, which will not tear your self-esteem apart. 

God Does Not Like Ugly!

Copyright 2020

My Choices Affect My Story

Crystal S. Kauffman

Image copyrighted to Crystal S. Kauffman-Amon, 2018

Written by, Crystal S. Kauffman-Amon

Everything in your life comes down to the decisions that you have made so far, but your story may sound terrible due to terrible choices. My choices were not always bad, but when I made bad decisions it showed in every relationship I was in. Family and friends knew I was headed down a dark path of addiction, but I had my reasons for taking an extra pill or two due to the pain I was in. Soon, my series of bad choices engulfed my life, which led to the loss of every person that mattered to me in a period of a few years.  

Every Choice Matters

One night, I began wondering how I came to this point in my life, so I began hearing the word choices. As a survivor of cervical cancer with aggressive treatment, I began thinking about what my story will be when I die. Suddenly, I felt a fire in my heart that burned brighter than any addiction I have ever faced in my life. That moment,  I realized that every time I make a choice there is a consequence and I will face it alone. 

Growing With My Choices

Immediately, I absolutely began making changes, which I am proud of today as it has not been easy at all. However, I have learned to grow with each choice I make, whether it is a positive choice or a bad one. This way, I know what not to do again and who to stay away from for my own protection. I am no one special but I am a daughter, mom, sister, an aunt, and a friend who wants to leave a story that inspires people that know me.  

Creating a Inspirational Story

I couldn’t bear the thought that my legacy would be laced full of bad decisions. My story is definitely not written yet, but I am so thankful that I listened to that small voice that night and began changing my entire legacy. I didn’t get discouraged when nothing changed immediately, but I still chose to stick with my plan. This new way of life includes saving money every month, making amends, forgiveness, reaching goals, and praying as well as thinking before I make a choice. 

Never Give Up

To be honest, I still mess up and make dumb decisions, but I try to refocus immediately and keep my mind busy. However, I have to keep focused and not dwell on my mistakes, because I would make a stupid choice as I have in the past. Luckily, I went to a psychiatrist and I see a counselor now, which has taught me coping skills that have lowered my anxiety level. Unfortunately, I have lived with an addictive personality for almost my whole life, so I can say with confidence that your own story is not written yet either.

Copyright 2020 

Quieting the Storm Within

Crystal S. Kauffman

I don’t hold the copyright to the image. Found on Facebook

Written By, Crystal S. Kauffman-Amon

As different issues arise throughout the day, you can begin to feel overwhelmed and stressed out over these annoying obstacles as they popup. Many times you may feel like you are being engulfed by a storm of emotions that are raging inside of your chest. However, you cannot allow yourself to feel defeated or angry about these personal setbacks. No matter how depressed or troubled you may feel at the moment, always focus on learning the best ways to cope with these different emotions.

Facing The Storm

As you face these raw emotions, you will deal with a raging storm of feelings as you deal with the annoying issues that may pop up each day. Sometimes, you may deal with several things that are happening within your life at one time. You may experience happy emotions yet face heartbreaking decisions as well. However, you must always look for the best way to cope with these situations when they occur or you will drive yourself and others crazy.  

Finding Personal Peace

During the personal issues that arise within your life, you must find a way to find your own inner peace no matter how big the storm becomes. Keep your eyes on the goal so you can solve the problems yet at the same time you must learn to quiet the storm that rages within. This way, you can work or deal with your daily duties when these types of emotional issues arise. You may need to go to counseling or you may need medication, in order to find your own peace within the storm that you are facing. 

Copyright, 2020