You been gone for so long, but I always thought you were happy with your choice. So, I walked away to keep from being crushed every day, by the reminder that I will never be with you again. I lost my best friend and my lover, but you thought I was too young and too wild. Yesterday is just a memory, yet every night I feel your invisible touch.
My life has changed in many ways, by having two more beautiful children and getting married twice. I thought I was over you, until the moment you wrapped your arms around me the other night. I felt complete at that moment, even if it was for just for second. My love for you has never died, even though I tried to move on and forget how I much I adored you.
You constantly invade my dreams and I wake up feeling complete, until I realize you are not there once again. So many years has passed, but you can see how I feel the moment you look into my eyes. What hurts is I was so close to being with you forever, but somehow I messed up as I generally do. In my dreams, you are with me and we are happy together walking the beach at night like we did on my birthday.
You actually tell me that “You love me”, even though you said you would never say that again to any other woman. My dreams are amazing but they never come true, because I am not with you. I turned to everything to ease the pain and to keep me from feeling so lost. Nothing ever dulled the pain, instead I would just cry for you more.
I wonder if I ever cross you mind or enter your dreams, especially when you are alone. Sometime dreams can be realistic, but they always seem to end and the pain begins again. I remember everything about you like your smile and how you moved the night we made love.
I felt like I was your princess and I knew you was sincere with each touch. I will never forget you and I hope that you have not forgotten me. A heart does not forget the first kiss, as we lay together in the back of your white van. Each kiss felt like electricity thundering throughout my body and I wanted more. You held me so close next to you and we spent the night just kissing and talking about our dreams.
I never wanted to leave your arms and I didn’t want to leave your side. I guess something must have broken, because you did leave my side and shattered my heart. Nothing ever stopped the way I feel, not the whiskey or the tears. However, the pain stayed and nothing ever stopped the desire to find you. I want to lay with you forever, like we do in my nightly dreams.
I am standing right in front of you and I wonder if you have the same feelings that I have for you. Age is just a number, but love is blind and I have loved you for over twenty years. I want to reach out and hold you, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. No matter what, I will always look for you in my dreams where I can show what my heart truly feels for you.
I have to let you know how I have felt all these years about you and your love you gave to me. I am older now and I have changed in my ways from learning to write and going through college and cancer treatment. Before I leave this world, I just want you to know what is hidden inside my heart. We don’t need to talk about it, but you are the light of my dreams and my heart.
By, Crystal S. Kauffman