Losing my twin brother, Thomas in Feb. 2021, broke my heart in two. However, I have to be honest in my heart I knew I was fighting for him to get Compassionate Release to die free from his prison cell. He spent 15 years after getting caught in Florida selling 10 oxycodone and refusing to smith.
So, he was granted the Compassionate Release but was offered cancer treatment as well, which he chose to take before his release. His heart was to weak and he passed away before I could get the bear hug he promised me yet I feel it daily now.
On Feb 28th, 2021, I broke my leg and lost my mom by the morning of March 1st, 2021 and my heart was friggin crushed, as I had to make two funeral arrangements and pay for their final expenses which was not cheap.
After some pain with my leg situation and misunderstandings with others, I now have a better relationship with my little brother. I do pray we will stay close and find a way through the changes we face together. I plan to do my best to stay healthy and build my life into what I want it to be, no matter what.
I have a writing career to rebuild and many other things I will be doing, as I recover since I can finally walk again. Change involves growing and growing up is sometimes painful, especially as we lose those we love. Soon, we meet new loved ones who become family.
May your painful changes inspire you to do what is best for you, as you grow into your own new normal which I have with help from my best friend whom
I love endlessly. I do pray this beautiful life continues, even as my heart becomes sad hearing my mom’s voice or feeling Thomas’ bear hug me from beyond the veil.
Today, makes 18 years since I survived cancer and I celebrate each year because I know personally that if the experimental treatment failed. Honestly, I would not be here to type this blog tonight and I would not be living with a ton of survivor’s guilt. Almost my entire family was killed by some form of cancer and its effects, which was hard to bear for many years. I know God spared me for a reason and I signed up for counseling three years ago. This saved my life and gave me new purpose, so I began putting money away to move into a better living environment and I was able to get a car.
My entire life has changed and I am so proud of every accomplishment and even my downfalls with depression. I went back to high school and completed four years of college, while I dealt with cancer’s touch in my life and facing the devastating losses of my maternal grandparents, my beloved uncle, my twin brother this Feb. 2nd , 2021. Then, March 1st, 2021, my mother became antibiotic resistant and passed away suddenly after fighting a UTI. Personally, I am shaken by all this but, I wont give up fighting to live every day.
Building My Dream
I have been rebuilding my pet sitting business which is like a doggie daycare, as well as rebuilding and updating my networks and the support community. My writing has helped me the most during the last 18 years, whether I wrote due to happiness or pain. Since, the very night mama died, I been dealing with a broken leg with several fractures and it needs surgery. My story mentoring program has several openings, so let’s write that book you always wanted. Therefore, I am working on my sites and invite you to hire me for anything your business communication needs. Thanks to the doctors and nurses, who helped save my life in Dec. 2002-2003 to Mar. 2003, may I make you proud!
Lifestyle changes are hard and painful at first, but soon you will become stronger with each step you take. You are walking a new journey that will require you to push yourself beyond your personal comfort zone.
Embrace the strength that you will unleash with each new step you face, as you walk the path of recovery from the brutal snare of addiction. Each small victory will lead you to a life that is full of big triumphs daily. Hold your head up high, because you are winning the battle against your addictions and yourself.
Your addiction is not like your sister or your brother’s addiction, because it is tailor-made for you. As your becoming sober, you will be forced to decide how you will clean up the mess you created. Each day, you will find the courage to dream again, especially once you learn to believe in yourself again.
Many times, you will find that you are not missing the craziness that the demons of addiction brought to your life. Maybe you will forgive yourself for the bad choices you made. Only you can make your life manageable by starting to take each step that leads to a life filled with joy and peace.
Start taking each step daily as you begin your path to recovery and redemption. You won’t gain everyone’s forgiveness, but do your best and keep moving even when you have a setback or a delay. Keep going and you will learn new ways to cope with life’s disappointments.
Keep telling yourself, “Your Past Does Not Define You!”
Chat On Facebook or Email with Princess Crystal if you need to talk.
Sometimes, life can seem like it does nothing but rain on you, whether it is your finances or your health. It will seem like a damn hurricane is brewing and your holding on for dear life. However, look past the blinding rain and you will see a beautiful rainbow forming in the distance. Stay focused on that rainbow and don’t give up! Each tiresome step will bring you so much closer to the goal that you have set for yourself.
Never let anyone tell you that you are weak or that you are giving up, because you are not doing things the way that they think you should. Honestly, they cannot see what you see, so keep your eyes wide open and keep focused on saving money or changing the way you eat. Whatever your goal is…go at it hard no matter how much rain comes at you because that rainbow is forming. So, focus and dig deep, because you can do anything that you have set your mind too!
Keep your eyes on the goal or rainbow that is ahead of you, but always be aware of distractions which will try to pull you away from your original goal. More rain will enter your life and you will feel defeated; yet don’t lose heart over the setbacks that you will definitely face. Instead, refocus and find that rainbow once again and keep striving to reach it. Before you know it, you will have reached your goal and the rain will have moved while leaving beautiful flowers in its path.
During recovery or even in everyday life, you are going to learn quickly that you will only able to control your own situations and circumstances. Honestly, you cannot control the way anyone else chooses to treat you. You can choose to stay away from any person, who hurts you and does not change their behavior once you have discussed the issue. Save your energy and stay away from the craziness, while focusing on the positive things in your life that make you happy.
Controlling when people come to your home, work, or other places that you go can keep your anxiety level down. However, you can also tell visitors to text or call you before a visit, so you can decide if you want to actually have a visitor over at that time. Sometimes, you may just want to be alone because you feel grouchy and full of anxiety. Setting rules with your visitors will help you regain control over your life, while you focus on healing and meditation.
Furthermore, talk to a mentor on how to control your finances if you need help, because you will need to pay rent and electricity in a stable home. You may also have to pay for water, propane, and/or other necessities inside your home. Learning to control your finances will make you proud and give you a sense of freedom that is amazing after dealing with addiction. Therefore, take control of your finances and your life, so you can find the peace and happiness that you long for everyday.
Are you constantly worrying about everything so much that you are now dealing with anxiety, which has required medications to stay calm? Does the medication make you feel off your game, which makes you doubt yourself in your career? It is easy for others to say stop worrying, because they are not wearing your shoes or living your life. However, I want to give a way to combat the negativity that consumes your mind and body whenever you spend precious energy worrying about stuff you can and cannot control.
I challenge you to join me in counting each blessing throughout the day and let’s see if we can combat this anxiety together. No matter what you believe, you can find blessings all throughout you’re day and night if you think about it. First, just waking up in the morning is a blessing; as well as having food to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you have a job, then that is another blessing and having a vehicle is another major blessing. Once you start looking and counting your blessings, you will notice that you have a lot of reasons to smile instead of frown.
No matter what you day holds, just count your blessings and focus on looking for new ones that are happening to you. You may have a job promotion, a raise in pay, or some other positive thing happen to you. Count all of those and you will notice your anxiety disappear and you will be smiling more, while others are dealing with severe anxiety. Then, you can inspire them to count their many blessings and you may even watch them smile again.